This. Is. ... Thanksgiving?

For the past three years many people have been bracing for Holiday gathers; which are meant for connecting, seeing people and opportunities for better relations. You can do this.

I could have written about Open AI’s boardroom novela, yes. I could have opened the mic about the treacheries of Section 702. Not this year.

I need to be a human connecting with other humans, offering good will, emerging more positive for interacting with both hostiles and friendlies. It’s tougher than it looks, but it can be done.

Here’s some unsolicited advice from ‘Aunt Sheila’, the unlikeliest of allies, who is certainly guilty of avoiding The Public at gathers, festivals and family annual events.

Standby to weather hostile interactions. Thanksgiving is a sacrifice among noble and ignoble people.

It’s stoic advice, but it bodes well for anyone wise enough to abide by it.

1. ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
   ”Hi. Good to see you! Here’s a gift/offer/food etc (bring something good).
   What are 3 things you are grateful for?”
   
   Here is what this does for you. It sets the mood for a positive interaction. It expresses non self-centered interest in another’s experience. It gets your Host’s mind on gratitude; which is always upwardly mobile. It puts you in a neutral to neutral-positive category.
   

2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY.

   People like strokes, expressions of good will and compliments, but they don’t realize how or why they are so easily they are discarded. It won’t be your fault if this happens. It won’t be your fault if they flip out at a simple expression of good will.
   

   People set traps for others. They feel humiliated if you don’t walk directly onto an emotional mine and blow up instantly. This is dysfunctional relational aggression and also not your fault. Anything that is not your fault, you do not get to take personally.

   
   Make mental notes. Take in information. Don’t react to direct confrontations positive and negative. If you feel discomfort, be strong and side step relational aggression. Your emotions are in the borders of the Nation of You. They are not toys for display at these occasions.

   Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to be present, relate positively to others, and function as a kind diplomat to the Nation of Yourself. The first rule of this role is you do not get to take direct insults personally. You get to be curious and take in information. You don’t get to swallow the bombs or blow up in a giant gassy ball of emo-flames as a party favor.

3. DON’T BE SURPRISED IF/WHEN SOMEONE GETS NASTY.

   Every year someone gets a “nasty surprise” at Thanksgiving. Save your real, authentic surprised face for dining options at the dinner table. Some of it is going to be a mystery and it will stay mysterious. That’s a distraction from your mission. You cannot be expected to like a public attack. If someone you know gets attacked you can offer personal support if they approach you by the sideline, but do your best to stay out of interpersonal conflicts as they emerge. You won’t always get to avoid it, but effort puts you in the best position to have the better graces in a situation.
   

4. ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS, KNOWING YOU CAN’T COMMIT TO RANDOM INQUISITIONS.

   You can always say something neutral prepared if you are startled or don’t know what to say. Have at least five of these non-committal phrases committed to memory or practice. Include the phrase, “I don’t know,” when you don’t know. Try, “ I really don’t know what to say to that.” or “That’s something I have not thought about.” or “That is new information, I’d like to think about it and get back to you.” So forth and so on.
   

   If people can’t handle your neutrality on subject matter, simply reframe their own words and feed them back to them. “Didn’t you say X…?” or “Sounds like you said, X.” That calms down cult members and people with agendas.
   

   If it gets openly hostile, simply walk away. If they get in your space, you can diffuse this, by saying, “I’m not available for this sort of thing,” and extract yourself carefully from the situation.
   

5. DIP OUT FOR AIR, HUNGER, THIRST OR A BATHROOM BREAK.

   Conversations shouldn’t get that intense, but they do. Excuse yourself, to honor your personal limits by going outside for air, a drink of water, more ice, a quick trip to the car for something you “forgot” or the bathroom. If someone follows you, “take” a phone call and go for a corner store drive …with a buddy.

6. DON’T START NONE AND THERE WON’T BE NONE.

   Abandon prepared plans for defensive relational aggression.
   Common reasons for the dysfunction? Jealousy. Petty power tripping. Narcissistic chaos. Bias. Unmanaged anxiety and discomfort from public gathering.

   ::::Precisely none of those should be in your repertoire. ::::

   Magically forget or shelve your inside dramas for the sake of people having a good time.
   

7. DON’T GET LOCKED IN.

   Some people want captured company. You are a guest, not a hostage. So eyeball how much time you are committing to the event within the first 5 - 10 minutes of the event. Park strategically if you drive, otherwise catch a ride or a taxi to and from the event. If you need to leave, walk your way out and take a ride.